Just a Little Piece of Mind
by chamiltey
Summary: When Castle's away, the girls will play! Alexis and Kate bond over pizza and a movie, while clearing the air between them with regard to Beckett's relationship with Castle. Slight spoilers for "Always." And I don't own Castle, but you knew that already.
1. Just the Girls

_Click-click. Click-click_. The doorknob rattled its assurance that the door to Richard Castle's Manhattan loft was, in fact, locked.

_Of course it's locked, _Kate Beckett thought, as she smiled and shook her head. _Why wouldn't it be?_ She knew how superstitious Castle was, and a man of such predilections would never tempt "fate" by leaving his door unlocked-even though his was probably the most secure residential building on the planet.

_Like living in Gringotts_, she mused, _but hopefully with 100% less dragon. _She opened her purse and went mining for the key she kept deep in its folds.

She opened the door expecting to see only the dim kitchen lighting (which Castle always left on, just in case someone tried to "sneak up on him"), but found the loft illuminated in full brilliance instead. She closed the door quietly behind her, quickly scanned the area around the doorway, and instinctively reached for her gun.

"Castle?" She called out. "Are you here?"

"My dad's not here, Detective Beckett," said Alexis Castle, her weary voice carrying across the threshold of her father's office. Beckett holstered her weapon and walked quickly to the doorway of the study. Alexis was seated in Castle's chair, surrounded by open books, binders, index cards, flash drives, and various electronic devices, all of which were currently scattered helter-skelter on the desk and in various piles along the floor. Beckett analyzed the scene quickly, and shook her head. It didn't take a genius to determine that Alexis was suffering from an acute case of academic overload. Next stop: full-on burnout.

Given Alexis' perfectionist nature (and by extension, her tendency to demand far too much of herself), Beckett was unsure of how to proceed. She thought about offering some words of encouragement and comfort ("Hang in there, kiddo! You'll figure it out!), but decided that any such words would be too trite; instead, she called an audible at the last minute and opted for something more neutral.

"So..how's it going?" _Ugh._ Now that it was out there, Beckett thought the question sounded far too tepid-especially coming from the woman who was in a serious relationship with her father.

"How do you _think_ it's going?" Alexis almost-shouted, gesturing to the disorganized conglomeration of academic paraphernalia tossed across the room, her green eyes flashing with frustration. _Answering a question with a question, _Beckett thought, fighting a smile, _she gets that from her father._

"From the looks of things, I'm gonna roll with 'not well,'" she offered, extending the olive branch again. Alexis sighed, and clenched both hands in her auburn hair as she growled in the direction of her notes.

"I have three exams next week, all in classes for which those exams count as at least 35 percent of my grade. I also have two papers due, on neither of which I have been able to make much progress, because I've been so consumed with these exams. And today, one of my professors _changed his mind_ about his exam and decided to make it comprehensive for the entire semester to date, which means all the studying I've done so far will only scratch the surface of the material I need to know before Monday. I have no idea how I'm going to get all this done. Plus, now all my notes are running together in my brain, and I can't keep straight what material belongs to what class." She looked up, her eyes dimming with desperation and pleading. "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this."

"Alexis, you are one of the brightest people I've ever met," Beckett said, placing a hand tentatively on her shoulder, "and I have no doubt that you're gonna do great next week." Alexis cast a glance her way, smiled slightly, and said, "Thanks, Detective Beckett."

"We've talked about this, right? Call me 'Kate,' ok?" Beckett rubbed her shoulder, and Alexis allowed her body to move in sync with the gesture. "I promise to try," she said, her smile widening.

Beckett looked around again, and then asked, "So, where is your dad?"

"He had a meeting with his agent. Apparently, the new Derrick Storm book is making more waves than anyone thought, and the publisher is interested in doing a new set of novels featuring him as the main character. Dad went over to talk details. I'm surprised he didn't tell you about it."

"He probably didn't think it would matter, since I'm supposed to be at work right now. We have a lower-than-normal caseload at present, so I knocked off a little early. Oh, well." Kate shrugged, then took her coat off and walked to the front room closet, where she hung it neatly next to Castle's vast array of top coats and jackets.

As she closed the closet door, an idea came to her. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it before. It was so obvious, after all.

"Hey, Alexis? What would you say to pizza and a movie? Just the two of us, you know? Girls' night. I'm buying."

"I don't know, Det-Kate. I've got a lot of studying to do." Alexis said, hopelessly.

"A couple of hours away from the books isn't gonna kill you. The break might actually do you some good. Come on-what do you say? I pick the pizza, you pick the movie?" Kate asked, biting her lower lip and raising her eyebrows inquisitively.

Alexis rolled her eyes quickly from one side of her head to the other, as if she were searching for a sign to tell her what she should do. Finally, with a smile that stretched from one side of her face to the other, she offered her response.

"Let's do it."


	2. Stirring the Pot

_Click._ The soft latch released, and the door opened, bathing Kate Beckett's face in a velvety white glow. Her trained eyes traveled the depth and breadth of the box, combing the details of its contents intently as she searched for...

"Eggs! We do have eggs!" Alexis smiled and nodded her assent as Kate pulled the white carton from the refrigerator and placed it on the counter next to the box of brownie mix she had already removed from the pantry. She closed the door behind her, paused long enough to pull her long brown locks back into a ponytail, and checked her watch. Thirty minutes-Terrific Nick's had promised delivery of their pie in a half-hour, five minutes of which had expired while she gathered the necessary ingredients for the brownies. She should still have ample time to mix them, pour them, and get them into the oven, giving them time to cook and cool. They should be ready to eat as soon as they were finished with the meal. Perfect. She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face, and began working on the eggs.

"How is it coming over there?" Kate asked, briefly lifting her eyes to the large, flat-screen television across the room.

"Ok, I guess. This video streaming service isn't as up-to-date as I thought it would be. But I've got our choices narrowed down to three, listed in reverse order of preference: _A British Werewolf in Poughkeepsie_-"

"Seen it!" Kate yelled from the kitchen. "Trust me-it's not very good. Way overrated. The makeup is terrible, and the transformation sequence is just cheesy."

"I know, right?" Alexis said, "I went with some friends last summer, and we found it completely unconvincing."

Kate chuckled as she began to stir the batter. "What else do you have?"

"Well, there's _Gorebucket 2_, which looks really cool, but stars Ellie Monroe-"

_Pass_, Kate thought, a look of total disgust passing across her face. To her credit, she kept silent; it was, after all, Alexis' choice.

"-but you're probably not interested in that one, for _obvious_ reasons." Alexis said, as she brushed her hair away from her eyes, and turned back to the screen. "And my favorite: _Surf Zombies 3: Body Surfing."_

"Sounds fun to me!" Kate finished mixing the batter, then carefully poured it into the pan on top of the oven, as the latter sounded the alarm letting her know it was preheated. Kate tucked the pan carefully into the heat, closed the door, and turned to find Alexis sitting on the floor, remote in hand, looking at her. Her face now wore a more nuanced expression, one Kate couldn't quite read at first glance.

"You ok?" She asked, watching for subtle changes that might hint at Alexis' thoughts.

"Yeah. I mean, it's just been a long year, you know? My senior year, graduation, starting at Columbia-it's all been kind of a blur. And-" Alexis stopped herself mid-thought, as if she were trying to find the right words to say, but decided instead simply to shake her head and turn back toward the television. "Never mind," she offered, and proceeded to run through the ordering menu.

"No, wait a second Alexis," Kate pushed. _Not too hard, _she reminded herself, as she walked around the counter toward the living room. _Give her some room._ Kate inhaled briefly, smiled, and said, "Look, I know things have been different around here lately. I just want you to know that you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell. But you're welcome to tell me anything. Trust me, I can handle it. I promise."

Alexis stared straight ahead for a moment, then lowered her head as though she were deep in thought. Had Kate not known she was thinking, she could have almost believed Alexis was asleep. After several seconds, Alexis raised her head and said, "Like I said, Kate-it's been a long year. A _hard_ year. Maybe the hardest year I've ever been through. And the truth is that senior year, graduation, starting at Columbia-all of those things, as hard as they were, were among the _best _parts of my life. It was the other stuff that really made life miserable for me, for Gram, and for my dad. And all of _that _started the year before-when you were shot."

Now it was Kate's turn to look down. She almost laughed at the thought that she could go toe-to-toe with suspects all day every day without blinking, but when placed in a difficult conversation with her boyfriend's daughter, she had trouble holding eye contact. Instinctively, she reached up to touch her scar, which always seemed to ache when someone mentioned her shooting.

"Kate, you said I could tell you anything, that you could handle it, right? Well, there's something I do need to tell you, but I need you to promise that you won't overreact. And I need you to promise that you won't tell my father." Alexis was staring directly at her now, and it was almost unnerving.

"Alexis, I-" Kate began, shaking her head slightly. Intuitively, Alexis picked up on the hesitation.

"Please promise me, Kate," she said matter-of-factly.

Kate paused for a moment to consider her next move. She was just about to respond, when the chimes of the doorbell sounded the arrival of their pizza-much earlier than expected.

_Terrific, Nick, _Kate thought, and walked toward the door.


	3. On the Table

_Click._ Kate felt the cold nickel twist knob resist ever so slightly as she turned it to force the deadbolt back into its resting place. _Safe and sound_, she thought, though she didn't really feel that way. Whatever dread she might feel from the unknown dangers outside Castle's penthouse could not compare to the trepidation she felt about simply turning around to hear what Alexis had to say; Kate been a cop long enough to know that a request for confidentiality rarely preceded anything good. Slowly, she turned away from the door, walked to the kitchen, and set the pizza box down on the kitchen counter. After taking a moment to gather herself, she put on her best "I'm listening" face, and turned around. She nodded her assent, and whispered, "I promise."

For a moment, Alexis said nothing: she simply stared at the floor and lightly fingered the silicon buttons on the remote control. When she finally raised her head, Kate saw something in Alexis' eyes, something vaguely familiar, though she couldn't quite identify it at first. Was it anger? _No,_ Kate thought, _not anger._ Confusion, perhaps? _No, not that either. _Hurt? Betrayal? Apathy? Kate cycled through her years of experience in an attempt to name what she found staring back at her from the deep and glistening green orbs before her.

And then she knew.

It was _fear._

"You have to understand something, Kate. I love my Dad more than anything in this world. He and Gram, well-they're everything to me. I mean, I love my mom, right? But she's never really been here for me. Not like my Dad. He's not perfect, of course, but he's a good man, and a great father. The thing is-he's always been like a big kid, you know? He doesn't always think or behave like an adult, so for my whole life, I've felt kind of...responsible for him, and I think, on some level, knowing that he was also responsible for me has kept him from indulging some his more dangerous childhood fantasies. It's weird, I know, but that's just the kind of relationship we've had."

"I don't think it sounds weird at all," Kate offered, weakly. She wasn't sure where this was going, but she was starting to get an idea, and it made her just a bit uncomfortable.

"Then he started shadowing you, and at first, I was really excited. I mean, I had never seen my dad so _inspired_ before. His writing improved, his demeanor lifted, and he just had this sense of-I don't know-_purpose _about him, like he was part of something that was making a difference, something that mattered. I loved seeing him like that, Kate. I loved it so much that when he started getting involved with the really dangerous stuff, I was even able to overlook it for a while. He was so _happy_, happier than I've ever seen him, and my dad deserves to be happy, Kate. He's been through more than you know." Alexis shook her head as she trailed off at the end of her sentence. She was fiddling with the remote buttons more furiously now.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked, and instantly regretted it. _Not your place, Kate_, she thought. She knew Castle would tell her when he was ready to do so. Or, at least, she _hoped_ he would.

Neither of them were very good with secrets.

"Uh-uh," Alexis said, bluntly, "that's all him. I don't tell his secrets, and he doesn't use me as a guinea pig for his latest S'morelette recipes. That's the deal." She made a face, and for a brief moment, Kate thought, her face turned the color of her eyes. She smiled knowingly, but kept her attention focused squarely on Alexis.

"My dad has known you for four years, Kate. Four years. And in that time, he has been kidnapped by a serial killer, nearly blown up, locked in a freezer, shot at, beaten up, submerged in water while trapped in a car, and mere feet away from a sniper's bullet, among other things. And all the time, I've been hoping that you would see that he is a man in need of boundaries, of someone to force him to stand down and realize that he is just a writer-not a cop. No matter how much he might want to be one of you, he just _isn't. _He isn't trained, he isn't prepared, and he isn't invincible." Her voice was rising just a bit, now.

"Alexis, I-" Kate began, but Alexis cut her off.

"But you indulged him, Kate. All of you did, from Captain Montgomery, Detectives Ryan and Esposito, even Lanie-everybody treated him as if he were one of you, and for a man who lives and breathes fantasy, it was absolutely a dream come true. It was intoxicating. _You_ were intoxicating."

Kate closed her eyes and glanced downward. She and Castle had long since cleared the air about their feelings for one another, but hearing about it from his daughter still made Kate feel uneasy enough to avert her eyes when Alexis mentioned it.

"I don't know exactly when he fell in love with you, but I know my dad, and he never loves halfway. All I know is that his devotion for you increased, and with it, his recklessness. I tried to rein him in, to remind him that Gram and I still needed him, and I know he heard me, but-his vision is so myopic when it comes to you that he just couldn't stay away. No matter how loudly I begged or how hard I tried to dissuade him."

"Alexis-"

"I asked him once if you made him happy, did you know that?" Alexis said, with a hint of sharpness in her voice.

"No, I-your dad never mentioned it," Kate replied, flatly.

"He said that you did make him happy. And that should be enough for me, Kate, but the truth is-it isn't enough, not really. I know I'm young, but it seems to me that relationships are supposed to be about give and take, both people sacrificing, both people enjoying the benefits. From where I'm sitting, it seems as though my dad has been doing a whole lot of the sacrificing, but enjoying very few of the benefits. I know that he would die for you in a second, Kate, and that scares me. You...you scare me."

The comment caught Kate completely off guard. "I _scare _you?" _That's not good, _she thought. "Alexis, you and I have known each other for a while now. We've had coffee, conversations-you _know_ me. I would never do anything to hurt your dad or you." Kate was almost pleading now.

"You scare me because you seem perfectly willing to allow him to keep risking his life and his heart without any thought to the lasting consequences of either. You seem content to let him tiptoe through the tulips in this make-believe world of his own devising, and forget that there are real people who have to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. I don't want to see my dad hurt, Kate. I've seen it too often in my life, and he deserves better. He deserves something real. He's lived off fantasies for too long." Alexis stared straight at Kate now, her eyes boring into Kate's.

"Ok," Kate conceded, "Ok, Alexis-you're right. I haven't been as careful as I should have been with your dad. You have to understand that when he came into my life, I was-well, I could say _driven_, but _unhappy_ would be closer to the mark. I didn't want to admit it at first, but he was like a breath of fresh air when he walked into my life, and we just got too comfortable and too careless too quickly. I'm responsible, ok? Me. And I'm really sorry. I never meant to put your father in danger, and I certainly never wanted to scare you." Kate attempted to communicate her sincerity as deftly as possible, but she wasn't sure Alexis was buying it.

"Do you even love him, Kate?" Alexis asked, her eyes searching. "Do you really love him the way he loves you? Or are you just going to end up hurting him like the others?"

Kate swallowed, hard. She'd rehearsed this same question time and again in her own mind, for months. Sorting through her feelings for Castle had not been easy work, but she'd finally arrived at a conclusion about which she could be completely honest. Her mouth drained of all moisture as she parted her lips and prepared to answer Alexis.

The sounds of Darth Vader's Imperial March broke her concentration, and she looked on as Alexis scrambled over to the nearest side table to check her phone.

"Hi, Dad," she said, changing the tone of her voice at the last second.

_Good_, Kate thought, _a few more seconds will probably do me some good._


End file.
